


Talking Like Toddlers (aka Avengers)

by Kizmet



Series: What If [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: But he's trying, Gen, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Not Steve Friendly, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Thor (Marvel) is Not a Good Bro, Tony Has Issues, tony is not a doormat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-20 14:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14896727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kizmet/pseuds/Kizmet
Summary: Someone has unleashed a horde of good (occasionally OVER) communication fairies on the MCU.  Pepper’s convinced that someone’s dosing Tony’s shot glass with a revolutionary new truth serum (because Sodium Pentothal would only make him babble more than he already does). And Steve doesn’t know what happened but even before the serum people were suddenly talking to him (not that he likes what they’re saying but it’s good not to be summarily dismissed).However the Powers that Be are NOT going to stand for this.  If they have to drop an asteroid on Nick Fury’s dog to keep the plot on track THEY WILL DO IT (They’re not sure how the asteroid will help, but gosh-darn, they’re willing)!  Whatever it takes, no matter what.  Communication will NOT be allowed to get in the way of explosions and action scenes!!!To keep things vaguely orderly I’m restructuring as a series with each movie being its own story and each chapter is a scene, possibly (if necessary) followed by a TPTB induced course correction.





	1. Course Correction - Company Manners

**Author's Note:**

> I’m disinclined to include lying or deliberate manipulation. The person communicating is conveying the message they intended to convey. While it’s morally bad, it’s not technically bad communication.
> 
> Steve’s legend continues the same way, so no change coming in from Steve’s side. Tony’s relationships have changed: He didn’t fail to tell his friends that he was dying, the foundation of their friendship didn’t suffer that blow and he wasn’t isolated from them when S.H.I.E.L.D. started trying to gaslight him. It didn’t take and Phil’s recruitment changes in response.
> 
> I may go back and do IM1 at some point but, based on memory, the main area of bad communication would be Tony and Rhodes: Tony failing to communicate why he needed out of the weapons business, Rhodes failing (even more so) to communicate why this was upsetting him. But despite that, Rhodes still takes Tony’s call, listens and trusts when we get to the “I’m the thing your jets are shooting at” bit. In IM2, the plot there are points where the plot depends on Pepper and Rhodes being sufficiently frustrated with Tony’s behavior to take action against him, because he’s failed to explain where he’s coming from. In IM1 I don’t really remember plot points where a failure to communicate is severe enough to be significant.
> 
> Thor 1 and Hulk, I just haven’t watched in so long I couldn’t possibly remember and I’ve got little desire to watch either again.

Tony and Pepper were celebrating successfully switching Stark Towers over to being powered solely by an Arc Reactor when J.A.R.V.I.S. broke in, “Sir, Agent Coulson is in the lobby urgently requesting your attention.”

“Tell him to leave a message,” Tony replied.

“Agent Coulson is showing me some files,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. “I fear that I must agree with his assessment of the situation’s urgency.”

Tony took a deep breath, “Well, if it passes your criteria I guess we have to let him up.” He gave Pepper a charmingly sorrowful look, “Rain-check?”

“Actually,” Pepper said. “Why don’t you have him leave whatever it is with the receptionist and take his call?”

“Well, it does sound important, maybe fate of the world stuff… Given the consulting fees you’ve been charging,” Tony argued.

Pepper shrugged, “I didn’t say don’t look at immediately. Just given how he acted the last time he was in your home, I’d rather not invite him in.”


	2. Thor called Loki on his Revisionist History

The Quinjet shook violently as lighten streaked across the skies above Germany. “Where's this coming from?” Natasha frowned.

Loki eyed the window nervously. 

“What's the matter?” Steve asked archly. “Scared of a little lightning?”

“Big Not-brother is coming and he’s not happy with me,” Loki sighed. A moment later the entire quinjet jolted, Iron Man opened the rear-hatch to investigate and unintentionally spared Thor the trouble of tearing the plane apart. The Thunderer stormed in, grabbed his younger brother by the throat and dragged him out into the storm warning, “Mortals, infere not in the affairs of gods!”

“Personable ain’t he?” Tony sighed.

“Another Asgardian?” Natasha asked.

“Think the guy's a friendly?” Steve asked. 

“Bursting into our jet just screams friendly, reasonable person,” Tony pointed out as he prepared to go after them. “It doesn’t even matter if he’s Loki’s friend or the enemy of our enemy, if he frees Loki or kills him, the Tesseract's lost.”

“Stark, don’t just run off without consulting me!” Steve shouted.

“I’ve been doing this for four years without you holding my hand,” Tony said dismissively and blasted off after Thor and Loki. Steve grimaced and grabbed a parachute.

“I wouldn’t bother to back him up, Cap,” Natasha said. “Just sit this one out.”

“I don't see how I can,” Steve replied.

“These guys come from legends, they're basically gods,” Natasha argued. “And Stark didn’t listen to you, it’s his problem if he’s in over his head.”

“My beliefs are the only correct ones and they’re not the God I learned about in church,” Steve replied. 

“And I was raised an atheist,” Natasha shouted over the rush of the wind as Steve jumped “It doesn’t make them any less powerful, you know!”

“Besides, I never sit out a fight.” Steve jumped.

On the mountain side below Thor threw Loki to the ground. “Where is the Tesseract?” he demanded furiously.

“I can see how much my supposed death upset you,” Loki replied. “But really, you should be thanking me. With the Bifrost gone how much dark energy did the Allfather have to muster to conjure you here? It’s only because of me that you stand on your precious Earth once more. Instead of pretending to care about me, why don’t you run off to your little mortal, Thor?”

“I thought you dead,” Thor protested.

“And now you must deal with the disappointment of finding it not true,” Loki said mockingly.

“We all mourned for you, Loki. Our father…”

“Your father,” Loki snapped. “Didn’t he tell you of my true parentage? I suppose it wouldn’t surprise if he didn’t. After all it took him nearly a thousand years to let me in on the secret. But then he always liked you better and now I know why.”

“Your blood matters not. We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?” Thor protested.

“I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness,” Loki sneered. “I remember you tossing me into an abyss. I was and should be king!”

“What nonsense is this?” Thor demanded. Closing the space between them he grabbed Loki roughly and shook him. “Toss you in? Loki, you let go! You chose the abyss rather than allowing Father to save you! How could you? How could you do that? To me, to Father, to MOTHER! How could you hurt us like that? We loved you?”

“You used me!” Loki screamed. “I was nothing to you but a political pawn. I’ve been shown the truth Odinson. I've seen worlds you've never known about! I have grown in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it…”

“Who showed you this power?” Thor demanded. “Who filled your head with these lies Loki?”

“I am a king!” Loki insisted

“Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this poisonous dream!” Thor demanded, then his voice softened. “You come home. I want you to come home, brother.”

Loki shook his head, shutting out Thor’s words, “I don't have it. You need the cube to bring me home but I've sent it off I know not where.”

Thor called Mjölnir back, “You listen well, brother. I...” he began only to be sent flying as Iron Man tackled him.

“I'm listening,” Loki called after him cheerfully.

Thor and Iron Man come to their feet some distance down the mountain. “I am Thor, Prince of Asgard. Do not touch me again, Midgardian!”

“Look, you’ve got a beef with your brother, I can see that,” Tony said opening his face plate. “Pretty obvious actually. But I need the Tesseract and I don’t really care about your family drama or about the whole ‘god’ thing. I mean, ‘Stark’, I’ve probably got some ancestors who worshipped you back in the day but science is more my thing.” 

“This is beyond you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice!”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it: Earth’s concerns are beneath you. So let’s fight.”

Thor answered Tony’s challenge, not with words but with his hammer. They traded blows back and forth until Captain America intervened, ricochetting his shield off both Thor and Tony before proceeding to scold them like erring children. “Hey! That's enough!” He glanced at Tony, “Obviously you’ve got no idea how to talk to people, God knows you irritate me every time you open your mouth, so let me try to reason with this guy.” Then to Thor, “Now, I don't know what you plan on doing here-”

“I've come here to put an end to Loki's schemes!” Thor announced.

“Then prove it! Do it my way,” Steve replied. “Put the hammer down.”

Inside his helmet, Tony rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that’s going to fly. He thinks he’s better than us, Mr. Diplomacy!”

Thor casually backhanded Iron Man then raised Mjolnir high, “You want me to put the hammer down?”

Hammer and shield collided, with full strength of the bearer behind each. The resultant shockwave flattened everything standing for a mile around, including the two combatants.

After a few moments all three men climbed back to their feet. “Well, have I proved to your satisfaction that you can’t just push us around?” Steve demanded.

“Plus it’s two against one now, Point Break,” Tony added. “Assuming Cap here doesn’t decide to hit me again, then all bets are off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s cute, the way Thor lectures Loki about not looking down on humans when so many of his interactions with the other Avengers show that Thor himself looks down on them.
> 
> And what was Steve thinking? Thor storms on their jet, takes their prisoner. Steve catches up and finds Tony and Thor fighting and he… Bounces the shield off of both of them to break up the fight like they’re a couple of kids scuffling in a schoolyard? Then he promptly gets in a fight with Thor himself


	3. Can't be Unseen

In the briefing room on the Helicarrier everyone stared at the monitors in dismay as Loki grinned, psychotically wide, and laughed in spite of the cage Fury had thrown him in. Finally Bruce said, “He really grows on you, doesn't he?”

“Thor, now would be a good time to offer a little evidence that you’re not just here because you couldn’t take Loki from us by force,” Steve suggested.

Thor started, he had still been staring into the monitor, as if he could make sense of his brother by sheer force of will, “He has an army called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard or any world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the earth. In return, I suspect, for the Tesseract.”

“An army? From outer space?” Steve asked.

“So he's building another portal,” Bruce concluded. “That's what he needs Erik Selvig for.”

“Selvig?” Thor asked.

“He's an astrophysicist,” Bruce explained.

“He's a friend,” Thor corrected

“Loki has him under some kind of spell,” Natasha added grimly, “Along with one of ours.”

“I wanna know why Loki let us take him,” Steve said. ”He certainly could have left while you and Stark were posturing easily enough.”

“Wasn’t your shield involved in the last exchange of blows?” Bruce asked innocently. “Wouldn’t it have made more sense for you to re-secure Loki while Dr. Stark had Thor distracted instead of jumping in? Still, I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats, you could smell crazy on him.”

“Have care how you speak,” Thor warned. “Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard, and he's my brother.”

“He killed eighty people in two days,” Natasha said darkly.

“He thinks I tried to kill him,” Thor glanced back at the screen where Loki’s imprisonment had been shown, his eyes dark. “I swear, I never did, never would. Loki allowed himself to fall into the void.”

Bruce’s breath caught. “He tried to kill himself?” he asked.

Thor nodded. “Before my eyes. Until a few hours ago, I believed that he had succeeded. How can he not remember what happened? Why would he try to lie to me about what happened? I was there!”

“It might not be you that he’s lying to,” Bruce said, staring down at his glasses intently has he polished them. “He might not be able to face what he did himself. Um...” Bruce shook himself, “Iridium, what did they need the Iridium for?”

“It's a stabilizing agent,” Tony said walking in. Coulson trailed behind him, largely ignored by his escortee. “Means the portal won't collapse on itself, like it did at S.H.I.E.L.D. No hard feelings, Point Break,” he patted the demi-God’s stomach casually then glanced over his shoulder at Coulson, “What’s a little assault between friends, right?” Without giving Thor or Coulson even a moment to answer, Tony turned to Bruce, “Also, it means the portal can open as wide, and stay open as long, as Loki wants.” And then he dissolved into full on random theatrics, commanding the entire room’s attention like a magician giving a show.

* * *

Later that night, while Bruce and Tony continued their search for the Cube’s signature, while Tony and Steve each dug into SHIELD’s secrets in their own way, Coulson pulled Thor aside. “As soon as Loki took the doctor we moved Jane Foster. We've got an excellent observatory in Tromso. She was asked to consult there very suddenly yesterday. Handsome fee, private plane, very remote. She'll be safe.

“Thank you,” Thor said gravely. “My brother believes that I tried to kill him. It's no accident, Loki taking Erik Selvig. All that I hold dear will be target for his vengeance and I dread what he plans for him once he's done. Erik is a good man.”

“He talks about you a lot,” Coulson encouraged Thor. “You changed his life. You changed everything around here.”

“They were better as they were,” Thor said regretfully. “We pretend on Asgard that we're more advanced, but we...we come here battling like Bilgesnipe.”

“Like what?”

“Bilgesnipe?” Thor repeated. ”You know; huge, scaly, big antlers. You don't have those?”

Coulson shook his head, “Don't think so.”

“They are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path, much as I did earlier this day,” Thor sighed. “When I first came to earth, Loki's rage followed me here and your people paid the price. And now again. In my youth, at the meager age of 1025, I courted war. But now, at 1026, I am considered an adult among my people and must strive to do better.” 

“War hasn't started yet,” Nick Fury said as he joined them. “You think you can make Loki tell us what the Tesseract is?”

“I do not know,” Thor sighed sadly. “Loki's mind is far afield, it's not just power he craves, it's vengeance upon me. If I were guilty of the betrayal he accuses me of, he would be well with his right to claim wergild. There's no pain that would prize his need from him.”

“A lot of guys think that, until the pain stops,” Fury suggested.

“Are you asking me to become the blood traitor my brother names me?” Thor demanded. 

“When this all goes down, I need to know which side you’re going to be on,” Fury replied. 

“Loki is a prisoner,” Thor said. “His battle is done. Once the Tesseract is retrieved, I will take him home.”

“Then why do I feel like he's the only person on this boat that wants to be here?” Fury asked.

* * *

In the bowels of the helicarrier, Loki turned in his cage. His eyes widened in surprise. “They allow you free range of their vessel, Beast?” he asked. 

Bruce shrugged. “My room’s rented,” he said with a nod at the delicately suspended cell housing Loki. “This is a pressurized tin can, thirty thousand feet up and there’s no easy way to kick me off if I get angry. So I can go pretty much anywhere I want to.”

“And you chose to see me?” Loki tilted his head to the side inquisitively. “Do you mean to try to threaten the Tesseract’s location from me? You can hardly beat it from me. As you said: A pressurized tin can, thirty thousand feet up. And you: a canopener hidden in the flesh of a man.”

Bruce eyes widened momentarily but he only shook his head, “Something Thor said got me curious. I wonder how much we have in common. You call me a mindless beast playing at being a man, there are days I wouldn’t disagree. It’s why I tried eating a bullet once, the other guy spit it out.”

“Why do you tell me this?” Loki demanded, his maniac grin slipping for the first time.

“Why did you let go?” Bruce asked. “Who pulled you out of the Abyss? And at what cost?”

“I did no such thing!” Loki exclaimed. “They had no further use for me! They cast me in!” 

“So Thor’s lying?” Bruce said. “I thought subterfuge was your M.O., not his.” 

“You are right,” Loki hissed. “I am a monster hiding under the guise of a man. A most loathsome beast, born of Asgard’s most hated foes. Why would Odin welcome one such as me into his family if NOT to use me to further some scheme. My talent is stratagem? I am only the most base of novices in the art, studying at Odin’s knee. But study I did, endlessly. I mastered every lesson in statecraft and warfare that Odin laid before me, while Thor laughed and chased after hollow glory with his feckless friends. But it was him they loved! Asgard, the court, Odin. Always Thor, no matter how I tried to prove myself. 

“And when I revealed Thor for the brainless lout that he is and he was exiled! When I was placed on the throne, when all the work I had done for Asgard, to be prepared to rule her well, was finally acknowledged? They couldn’t turn on me fast enough. Thor was still the golden prince, still untarnished for all that he would have plunged us back into war over nothing more than his injured pride. 

“I stopped the war that Thor began. I killed the Jotunn king, my blood-father, and would have ended their threat to Asgard forever more, without a single Asgardian life endangered… But it was my plan, not Odin’s and that could not be allowed to stand. They cast me out, cast me into the void. A broken pawn, worthless.”

“Do you actually remember Odin, or Thor, forcing you into the void?” Bruce asked, his voice gentle. “Or do you only remember that they rejected your offering of fealty to Asgard? Who pulled you out of the Abyss, Loki? What remuneration did they demand of you?” 

Breathing hard, eyes wild Loki stalked up to glass and slammed his fist into it. “Enough! You are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature!” 

Bruce shook his head. “There’s one person a trickster should never lie to,” he said as he turned and walked away,.“Yourself.”

Loki struck the glass again enraged.

The doors had barely slid shut behind Bruce before Natasha was confronting him. “Dr. Banner, do you really think it wise to involve yourself in such a stressful situation?”

“I thought you went to considerable trouble to involve me,” Bruce replied. He didn’t stop walking and Natasha was forced to change her course or be left behind. “So deal with me being involved.” 

“You're supposed to be locating the Tesseract,” Natasha reprimanded him.

“Turns out both Tony and I are capable of multitasking. The model's locked and we're sweeping for the signature now. When we get a hit, we'll have the location within half a mile. I thought I’d get a few answers while the program was running.”

“Stark? What’s he up to?” Natasha demanded.

“Why don’t we go see,” Bruce suggested.


	4. Well, I Hate You Too!

Bruce led Natasha to the lab S.H.I.E.L.D. set aside for him, picking up Thor on the way. When the three of them arrived they walked into a confrontation already underway. “I'm sorry, Nick,” Tony said mockingly as he turned the computer screen around to display plans for the weapon Steve was glaring at accusingly. “What were you lying?”

“I was wrong, director. The world hasn't changed a bit,” Steve added in stern reprimand.

Bruce walked over and spent a few seconds studying the data Tony had extracted from S.H.I.E.L.D.’s computers. “I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction,” he said.

Fury pointed at Thor, “Because of him.”

Thor’s jaw dropped open, “Me?”

“Last year earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town,” Fury reminded him. “We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned.”

Thor frowned, “I am deeply regretful of the collateral damage my brother and I caused but my people consider Midgard completely beneath their notice. It was only because your planet is such a backwater that I was exiled here, we’d never actually attack you.”

“Yeah, I heard your brother’s bit about ants and boots, made me feel all warm and fuzzy,” Fury returned. “Even then, you're not the only people out there, are you? And, you're not the only threat. The world's filling up with people who can't be matched, they can't be controlled.”

“Like you controlled the cube?” Steve demanded.

“You play with the Tesseract as a child plays; with no knowledge or understanding of the consequences of your actions,” Thor declared. “My father sent me to reclaim both Loki and the Tesseract before Midgard could bring harm upon itself, toying with forces it could not hope to comprehend.” 

“Yeah, because trusting in noblesse oblige to protect you from exploitation never blew up in the face of the poor, unenlightened savages,” Fury snorted. “Of course we’re going to try to come up with something to balance the scales.”

“Nuclear deterrent. `Cause that always calms everything right down,” Tony scoffed.

“Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?” Fury snapped. “If your father were here, he’d point out that THEY’RE the ones holding the big stick.”

“I'm sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be neck this deep…” Steve began snidely.

“Oh give me a break!” Tony exclaimed, “Snake Plissken’s only upset because I don’t put out anymore.” He flung a hand at the weapons schematic still up on his computer screen, “Or did you think I wouldn’t notice that the Arc Reactor puzzle, the one you were ready to hold me prisoner in my own home until I solved… For my own good, of course… That I wouldn’t notice that the Arc Reactor was the fruit of my dad’s research into the Tesseract? ‘Energy race that was gonna dwarf the arms race’ my ass! We both know you can’t make a nuclear power plant without learning some of the principles of making a nuclear bomb. And you weren’t interested in power plants.”

“Would it actually kill you to talk like a normal person and not use ridiculous nicknames or vulgarity every five minutes?” Steve demanded. “He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true: You got rich making weapons but now that you’ve quit you act superior. It’s so hypocritical it makes me sick”

“The way I heard it, you had no problem with my dad making YOU weapons. In fact, you were champing at the bit to have him help make you INTO a weapon,” Tony shot back. “Then YOU dragged him into an active war-zone because YOU just couldn’t handle being handed a non-combat assignment. He was always so proud-“

“I had to save Bucky! No one cared about him!”

“-Best buddies, you two,” Tony continued over Steve. “Or, at least, you could always go to him for anything and everything you needed. You needed a pilot, you got it! You needed the rarest metal on Earth for your shield, you got it! You needed my dad to dedicate five decades to searching for your goddamn corpse, you got it!”

“I thought humans were more evolved than this,” Thor said archly.

“And here I heard you saying how we’re a bunch of ignorant children who should know enough to stay out of the way when bring your family squabbles to our planet and blow shit up.” Fury retorted.

“Your ancestors at least knew enough to offer thanks for Asgard’s protection instead of greeting us with suspicion,” Thor said.

“Are you all really that naive?” Natasha asked. “S.H.I.E.L.D monitors potential threats.” 

“Speaking of threats,” Bruce interjected. “I should mention that Loki’s plan is to unleash the Hulk. If he’s counting on his winning personality to do the trick we’re safe enough; I upset him more than he upsets me. But if he’s got something else up his sleeve it might be advisable to let me off this ride.” Bruce smiled affably, “Director Fury, no offense, but this isn’t a team. It’s a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're a time-bomb and I’d just as soon check out before the inevitable explosion.”

“Awww. Come on Brucie-Bear, stick around for the fireworks,” Tony cajoled. 

Steve glared at Tony, “I swear to God, Stark, one more crack...”

“And you’ll what?” Tony snapped. “Hit me? That’s the only way you’ve ever tried to solve a problem isn’t it Rogers? But I’m the one who causes wars.”

“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?” Steve challenged.

“What the hell is your problem with me?” Tony demanded angrily. “This is the SECOND time you and I were ostensibly on the same side,” Tony pointed to Thor then Fury, “Only to for you to turn around and attack me at the first opening. So seriously, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

“You’re everything that’s WRONG with this century! You’re loud and disrespectful of everything. You push in where you’re not want and upstage the real heroes. You say you want to make up for your past, want to be accountable but all you really care about is being in the limelight. You risk everyone’s safety because you’re curious or just bored. You make a joke out of being a hero. You can’t open your mouth without referencing something I’ve never heard of. Even just standing there, Howard’s adult son, at least fifteen years older than the Howard I knew, you remind me that I don’t belong here. You’re alive when everyone I care about is dead or so lost to dementia that I can’t even recognize them and I hate you!” Steve shouted. As the last words left his mouth, Steve’s hand rose as if to yank them back. 

“Well, I hate you too,” Tony’s reply wasn’t loud but it was filled with shards of broken ice; cold and sharp as knives. “You’re the ninety-eight pound asthmatic who tried to solve all his problems with his fists. How’d that work out for you, Rogers? Thanks to the serum now you’re a guy with a hammer seeing every problem as a nail, where you used to be a guy WITHOUT a hammer who STILL saw every problem as a nail. I can’t imagine what Dad ever saw in you that made you so much more worthy of his time than I was.” 

In the tense silence that followed a computer beeped. Bruce walked over and check the screen, “Sorry kids, looks like therapy hour is over.”

“We got it?” Tony asked, checking the computer for himself.

“The Tesseract’s location?” Thor verified. 

Bruce and Tony nodded. “I can be there fastest,” Tony said.

“Look, all of us…” Steve started to argue but Thor spoke over him, “The Tesseract belongs on Asgard, no human is a match for it.”

Tony glanced at the Phase II weapon on the table, “I’m not inclined to argue but we gotta get it back first.”

Steve caught Tony’s shoulder and pulled him back as he turned to leave. “You're not going alone!” he ordered.

“Can you NOT fight with me for five minutes?” Tony shrugged Steve's hand off.

Steve bit back his first response. “Could you work with me for five minutes?” he asked instead.

“Oh no!” Bruce exclaimed reaching toward one of the monitors a moment before an explosion tore the room apart. While Bruce and Natasha were dropped into the depths of the ship, Tony and Steve were tossed against the door and Fury and Thor were thrown deeper into the room.

Tony glanced over at Steve, “How about we blame the scepter and never mention this again?”

Steve nodded, feeling aligned with Tony for the first time. They wouldn’t mention it again but he didn’t think either of them would forget that a good chunk of their dislike was misdirected.


	5. Feeling Like You Should Feel Sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Course Correction - Tony’s feelings/relationship with Coulson/S.H.I.E.L.D. has changed substantially so he’s going to react to Coulson’s death differently.

Tony walked out on Fury, his bloody cards and his blatant tugging of the heart strings. After a few moments Steve went after him. He found the engineer standing in a stairwell, staring into the depths. Several floors down Hulk and Thor’s fight had ripped through the shaft, leaving it in rubble. 

“The B.S. in that room was getting too deep to wade through,” Tony remarked casually, without looking at Steve. “I’d wager those cards weren’t even in Coulson’s pocket. Mint condition, collector’s items, even if he had them with him for you to sign they would have been in sleeves at the absolute bare minimum. But then the blood would have wiped off clean and that wouldn’t have sent the message Fury wanted.”

“The man still died,” Steve replied cautiously.

Tony laughed weakly. “I didn’t even like him. Coulson was the one that usually got stuck with managing me, the face of S.H.I.E.L.D. for me. I don’t know how much of our interactions was him improvising or if he was just following Fury’s script but he threatened me and I don’t, didn’t like him. Now he’s dead, facing down a threat that… He’s anything but a civilian, still he didn’t stand a chance against someone like Loki. It should have been someone like you or me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it. He’s dead, I wish I could think about him without remembering… He, S.H.I.E.L.D. came in while I was vulnerable and tried to take advantage of the situation. Even so, I never wanted him dead. He should have waited. He should have-”

“Sometimes being outclassed is the reason you’ve GOT to fight,” Steve said. “I’d watch the newsreels, read the papers about the casualties in Europe and all I wanted was to be there. Lot of people told me I couldn’t help, it didn’t matter. Like Fury was saying, having no chance ain’t a reason to give up. If you’re going to do that you might as well lay down and die right now.”

“Right, Coulson didn’t _lay down_ and die,” Tony scoffed.

“Loki was on his way out,” Steve said. “Coulson didn’t have the option of waiting on us, all he had was stepping up and hitting Loki with his best shot or stepping back and letting him pass uncontested. Sometimes all you can do is say what you won’t stand for, even if all you accomplish is making the other guy go over you.”

“The whole planet’s on the line,” Tony argued. “It’s not good enough, being a morally righteous speed bump. Maybe Coulson gets a gold star on his chart when he gets where he’s going for doing the right thing but his dying isn’t going to be worth spit to anyone here. It’s not enough for us to fight the good fight, we have to stop Loki.” 

“Win or lose, we have to fight,” Steve corrected sternly.

“Do. Or do not. There is no try,” Tony quoted garnering a reproving look from Steve. “We have to win,” Tony rephrased. Then he sighed, “But we’ve lost Loki, the Tesseract’s location- Fuck!” he pounded his fist into the railing. “Bruce had the location! But he’s gone and our equipment’s gone.” 

“We know that Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list…” Steve offered.

Tony stared at the rubble left from Hulk and Thor’s battle. “Loki wanted this, planned this. What did he get out of attacking Fury in his stronghold? He let us take him at Stuttgart. He could have walked while we were having our little dick measuring contest with Thor but hey, he was loving the show.”

“He wanted the Hulk turned lose here,” Steve reminded.

“To what end? To escape from a cage he didn’t have to let us put him in the first place?” Tony ranted. “He lost Barton. Lost a significant fraction of his forces… But he got a shot at us. Here, on his timeframe. Away from Selvig and the real action. He knows he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.”

“Well, he didn’t bring his own theme music at Stuttgart,” Steve said. “But he did his darndest to put on a show.”

Tony looked torn between giving Steve a sour look at yet another dig and preening because, yeah, he had upstaged Loki there. “That was just a preview,” he said. “This is opening night. Loki's a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered... Sonofabitch!”

* * *

As Tony had guessed, Loki had Selvig set up on the roof of Stark Tower and was using Tony’s own Arc Reactor to power his invasion. 

“The barrier is pure energy. It's unbreachable,” J.A.R.V.I.S. concluded after one shot. 

Tony sighed as he flew his damaged armor haltingly toward the disassembly platform and Loki. “Plan B then,” he said.

“The Mark VII is not ready to be deployed,” J.A.R.V.I.S. warned.

“Skip the spinning rims,” Tony ordered impatiently as he landed. “We're on the clock.” On the other side of the balcony Loki paralleled Tony’s progress as the battered armor was removed leaving Tony to confront the demigod in nothing more than a band-shirt and slacks. 

 

Loki grinned widely, “Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity.”

“Nah,” Tony shrugged as he sauntered toward the bar. “Your brother seems pretty eager to set himself up as our protector but the guy tried to electrocute me. I figured it wouldn’t be a waste of time to ask what’s your beef with him before the Earth throws itself on his mercy… You want a drink?”

Loki inclined his head curiously. “You are less foolish than most, Mortal,” he decided. “In truth, Midgard is already a protectorate of Asgard. Your planet holds little interest for the Golden Realm but to the Jotunn it was an oasis of arable land. A thousand years ago they attempted to colonize Midgard… And of course Odin could not stand for that. Even if he cared not for Midgard, to see those savage, ugly brutes expanding their sphere of influence was an insult not to be born.”

As Loki spoke, Tony walked over to his bar and poured them both a drink while superstitiously securing homing bracelets around his wrists. 

“Many great battles were fought on Midgard, memorialized in your people’s mythology. Then Asgard gained the advantage and pushed the the front back to Jotunheim itself. And, as there was no one else who wanted Asgard’s discarded toy, your planet was forgotten once again.” 

Tony walked over and handed Loki one of the two tumblers of bourbon he’d poured. “An absentee landlord, so far not sounding too bad,” he said.

“Oh, it is an envied state: To be so far below Odin’s gaze as the lowliest of worms, crawling on your belly through the dirt. But Midgard is growing in strength, eventually you will mature to the point where you will have something of value to offer the All-Father,” Loki warned as he accepted the drink from Tony’s hand. “He found me, an abandoned babe, and saw that he had use of me. He convinced me I was a part of the family, and all was well… So long as I remembered my place.”

“And that was?” Tony asked as a subtle vibration in his ear, J.A.R.V.I.S.’s signal that the armor was ready. 

“I was to be subordinate to Thor in all things,” Loki’s voice began to climb as rage took hold of him. “My accomplishments were belittled while Thor’s were lauded. My skills were placed at his disposal, the only praise I could win was when I acted in my brother’s service, and even then only if my contribution was subtle enough not to detract from Thor’s glory!”

“I am reluctant to interrupt,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said in Tony’s ear. Loki’s gaze sharpened as he caught the quiet whisper. “However, I think it pertinent to mention the portal has opened. The invasion has begun.”

“Well, this has been enlightening,” Tony told Loki, as he sets his glass down and backed away. “And I have to agree, you’re a regular Harry Potter, abusive step-family and all…”

“My mother,” Loki announced, looking slightly startled, as if just realizing himself. “My mother never betrayed me.”

Tony hesitated. “That’s- Moms, yeah, they’re pretty great.” he agreed. 

“Sir, the invasion,” J.A.R.V.I.S. reminded.

Tony sighed. “For what it’s worth, you’re pretty much the only thing on your brother’s mind.”

“As if Thor could hold more than one thought in his head,” Loki muttered and Tony grinned.

“... But I can’t stand by while my planet is overrun.” Tony ran toward the edge of the balcony. “J.A.R.V.I.S.! Deploy!”

Loki chuckled as he stalked after Tony, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


	6. Holding On

Loki walked out on the balcony to observe the battle he’d brought upon the Earth. A moment later Thor landed across from him. 

“Loki,” Thor said gravely. “You were right, I did make a practice of taking Sif and the Warriors Three at their word and rarely asking for your side of events. So this time I am asking: Brother, why are you doing this?”

“I am possessed-”

“Possessed yes,” Thor agreed. He shook his head. “This is not you. You are like our father; you always have a dozen different reasons for what you do.”

“He is not my father!” Loki shouted.

“Brother,” Thor protested.

“Stop calling me that!” Loki lunged at Thor. “Your brother is nothing more than a lie told to me!” Thor danced backwards, blocking where he had to but mostly just dodging Loki’s attacks. “Loki is nothing but a construction, a mold Odin forced me into. He shaped me into a tool for his use and threw me away when the purpose he’d created me for fell through.”

Thor shook his head, staring at his brother with sorrowful eyes. “No. Look at me Loki, you know I’m terrible at lying. Father and I tried to pull you back. You were mourned.”

“How do I know what is the truth when even my own skin is a lie?” Loki demanded.

“The observatory blew up, we both fell,” Thor insisted. “Father caught us both. He tried to pull you back to safety but-”

“Shut up!!” Loki screamed.

“We want you back, Brother,” Thor persisted. “I’m here to bring you home.”

“I have no home! I don’t belong anywhere!”

Thor flinched, “Father’s given up his plan. It was never going to work. You won’t be sent away, you belong with us, with your family.”

“I’m not your brother!” Loki shouted throwing himself at Thor with reckless abandon.

Thor slapped the scepter out of Loki’s hand then pulled him close. “If not my brother then my nephew,” Thor said. “But honestly, I’ve thought of you as my brother for so long I doubt I will ever change. Blood is the least of our relationship.”

And then Loki was struggling against Thor’s hold like a trapped animal. As if he’d forgotten every lesson warfare and magic he’d ever had, Loki kicked and clawed and bit, his magic lashed out in uncontrolled bursts that smashed everything around them. 

Momentarily, Loki broke free of Thor’s hold, stumbling toward the unguarded edge of the tower. “No!” Thor shouted as he saw his brother wobble on the edge. He lunged and dragged Loki back to safety. “I’ve got you, I won’t let you fall. Not again.” 

The fight drained out of Loki, leaving him limp, completely spent. Thor pulled him back inside the penthouse. 

“Pikachu?” Iron Man’s voice crackled over the comms. “We’re getting overrun out here.”

“Go,” Loki mumbled.

Thor’s breath caught. “Help me,” he pled. “How do I turn off the Tesseract?”

Loki leaned into his brother’s shoulder and shook his head. “It wasn’t given to me to build the device, only to find one who could. I was- I was- It draws what is in you to aid it in its purpose. It was my role to find someone with the proper skills to build the portal and find those who would enable the building. But also, I was to play the villain I was born to be and draw out those who would oppose…” Loki looked past Thor, his eyes going wide and his face chalky. 

“Brother!” Thor shook him, dragging Loki’s attention back to him.

“Go,” Loki reiterated. “I’ll be here when you return victorious… Or we’ll all die and none of it will matter. Half-die.” Thor settled Loki in the corner of Tony’s sunken living room. 

“Thing are getting rather desperate,” J.A.R.V.I.S. interjected.

“I’m sorry,” Thor told Loki as he stood. “I won’t be long.”

Loki watched him walk away, “I’ll wait- until you win or dead wrought on Midgard. Don’t die.”

* * *

On the streets below several police officers stared at the chaos unfolding around them, all but overwhelmed. Alien invasions were well outside of what their job had prepared them to handle. 

“We need to get out! They gotta bring the National Guard!” a rookie exclaimed.

“National Guard?” his sergeant said dubiously. “Does the army know what's happening here?”

“Do we?” the rookie wondered. 

Captain America jumped on the roof of a car in front of them looking like he’d stepped right out of a comic book. “I need men in these buildings. There are people inside that can run into the line of fire. You take them through the basement or through the subway. You keep them off the streets. I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.”

“Why the hell should I take orders from you?” the sergeant demanded.

Before the Captain could answer two of the aliens attacked. He promptly turned back to the battle, decimating the pair.

The rookie cop shrugged, “He’s pretty great at melee combat, does that mean he knows what he’s doing?”

“Not really but it’s not like I’ve got any better ideas and, hey, I don’t want to fight against him,” the sergeant said before passing on the superhero’s orders to his men.

* * *

Pepper and the flight crew on Tony’s jet crowded around the small TV screen watching in horror as a nuclear missile was fired on Manhattan.

Pepper’s horror only grew as Iron Man intercepted the the missile and flew it towards the portal. The phone clutched in her hand vibrated. Pepper nearly dropped it as she scrambled to answer it with shaking hands. “Tony?”

“I- I think I’m going to miss our rain-check,” he said awkwardly. “Pep, I- I’m sorry.”

“Tony, I love you,” Pepper said quickly.

“You walking into my office with that accounting error… Best thing that ever happened-” 

The call cut off, leaving Pepper clinging to her phone like a life-line, sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claiming secondary effect change here: Because Tony didn’t hide that he was dying, Pepper has a greater expectation that he will try to reach out to her. So instead of focusing solely on the news reports as a means of keeping up with what was happening to him, Pepper kept her phone in her hand and didn’t miss the call.
> 
> The scene with the cops: Marvel keeps telling us that the only way to get people to listen is by being good at violence. It’s very annoying.


	7. Reaching Out

“Total waste of time,” Clint declared as they rode the elevator up to Tony’s penthouse. “There’s no way Loki hasn’t done a runner.”

When the doors opened Thor took a moment to give Clint a smug look before Loki’s hundred mile stare sunk in and he rushed over to crouch beside Loki. Feeling the numerous hostile stares and Thor’s worried one Loki pulled himself out of the corner and put on an unconcerned mask. “You wouldn’t mind if I help myself to another drink?” he asked Tony.

Tony’s gaze shifted from Loki to Clint speculatively. Then he powered down his repulsors. “Be my guest, Harry Potter.”

“What?!?” Clint exclaimed in outrage. 

“We need to secure the prisoner and return him to S.H.I.E.L.D.,” Natasha stated.

“No,” Thor said. He trailed after Loki, doing his best to abide by the ‘Don’t mother-hen’ look he was getting. “Stark, I am afraid I must decline the ‘shawarma’. But, if you will allow it, I will remain here, with Loki until the Tesseract is readied for our return to Asgard.”

“Well, delivery is probably asking too much but take-out’s a definite possibility,” Tony said carelessly.

Over protests, in spite of arguments, it was eventually negotiated that a continent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents would be dispatched to guard the perimeter and would even be given access to the building... So long as they brought food with them. 

Thor relocated Loki to a closed study while the rest of the team set up camp in the open main room. Thor smiled gratefully when Tony showed up in the study door with two heaping plates. “You are a most gracious host,” he declared as he passed one plate over to Loki. After a brief hesitation the younger Asgardian lit into it as if starving.

“So... Your glorious purpose didn’t leave much room for eating?” Tony asked.

Loki gulped down another few mouthfuls before speaking, “Not really, no. It was… Consuming.”

After a bit Bruce wandered in with a first aid kit. He looked over both Thor and Loki then settled in. 

“I take it the invasion wasn’t exactly your idea?” Tony prompted.

“I- I am uncertain,” Loki said eyeing his empty plate unhappily. 

“More?” Tony asked. 

Bruce started to speak up but Loki shook his head. “I’d rather not make myself sick.” 

After a few moments he started again. “The invasion, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Open a gate, allow the Other’s armies through. I thought I was making a deal but I don’t normally surrender so much control.” He glanced towards Thor. “And, apparently, my memories, _my reasons_ , cannot be trusted.”

“Mind sharing for the class?” Tony encouraged.

Haltingly Loki began talking. 

Steve hovered in doorway with a troubled expression. 

When Loki seemed overwhelmed, Bruce ended the questioning with a stern look.

Natasha sided up to Steve. “It’s convenient,” she remarked softly. “How the only one in reach claims he was nothing but a puppet.”

“I suppose,” Steve said not sounding convinced.

“An interrogation where the subject just gives everything up?” Natasha insinuated. Then with a shrug she admitted, “In his position I’d be looking to improve my situation. That’s why I can’t trust anything he says.”

Not long after Bruce had chased everyone out to let Loki rest Pepper burst into the penthouse, several steamrolled S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents trailing in her wake behind a fiercely glaring Happy. 

“Ma’am,” Steve moved to intercept Pepper. “I don’t know that it’s safe-“ 

Pepper ducked past him, “Tony!” she exclaimed. Laughing and crying. “A text?!” She held up her phone to show the message: “Not dead. Come home ASAP. Won’t be sure til I see you.” 

“I tried,” Tony said as he tugged her to him.

“Boss, you practically gave me a heart attack,” Happy complained reaching out to pat Tony’s shoulder. 

Thor, standing in the door of the study eyed the phone Pepper was still holding. “Er, I believe I should be making a call as well, if I could borrow a phone?”

Pepper tossed Thor her phone as Tony flopped down on one of his couches pulling her along with him.

“My thanks,” Thor said. He settled in the doorway of the study, half turned away to create the illusion of privacy without letting Loki out of his sight and dialed Jane’s number. 

Given that the Tesseract was Thor and Loki’s planned means of returning to Asgard, S.H.I.E.L.D. had little luck in arguing that it was their property. And by the next morning Selvig had dismantled the portal device and secured the Tesseract for Thor. 

Loki’s Scepter went missing during the chaos of the night. Fury and Hill were sufficiently inscrutable as to make it impossible to tell if it had honestly gone missing or if it was just a ruse to keep the scepter in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hands despite Thor’s protests that both it and the Tesseract should be take to Asgard for safe-keeping. Either way the Scepter’s loss was enough to start Tony worrying about what might become of the other alien tech scattered about by the battle, prompting him to set up a subsidiary company: Damage Control, to prevent the ‘loss’ of any other dangerous materials.

While Thor protested against making a show of returning Loki to Asgard in chains. Loki agreed that it was necessary to assure Earth that Asgard was not indifferent to indignities against its people. And so the two Asgardians left Earth, under the observation of several government agencies and more than a few cameras.

Afterwards the remaining Avengers went their separate ways.

* * *

“I thought we weren’t speaking unless it was the end of the world,” Fury remarked as he answered his phone.

“Exactly,” Tony replied. “I hate to say it, Barbossa, but you were right: The Earth has neighbors and they’re not friendly. Loki’s invasion was nothing more than someone getting a feel for Earth’s defenses. So next time we need to be better because they’re going to come prepared for the hand we’ve already shown.”


End file.
